The question stayed with me for multiple days after reading a book about a person living with multiple sclerosis. The truth is that no matter what we wish or how we wish to be remembered, people we are interacting with, are going to remember us only by how they feel around us. In other words, relationship with other people is the only most important factor in how people are going to remember us.
Ugh, that’s tough because sometimes I forget about how important it is to slow down after a hard working day and just pass on all of the worries to God and just be there for my kids and wife. Sometimes I really struggle with my worries and negativity. And I truly hate those days because I don’t understand where the worries come from, if I did everything I could in my power. Why do I still scratch the head if nothing else is in my power? Why can’t I just be in the moment, present with my kids, and wife? But it’s not just the bad days when I worry about work and my job, sometimes when I’m physically with my kids and “am playing with them” I am subconsciously seeking a way out of a relationship by looking at exits. Let me give you an example.
Lately, I was walking alone and thinking how wonderful the world is when I heard a bird’s singing voice. I thought to myself: “What bird is that”. Quickly I grabbed my phone and installed a Who Bird app1 that showed real-time probability matches of birds’ names. I was amazed. I had to show this to my kids. The next time we went for a walk I grabbed my phone and showed them the app showing bird’s names on the screen as they were singing. So birds were on my mind for a few days until I read an article about how one can also identify birds by just looking at them with the help of a binocular. Days went by and we were walking together and my heart was not with my kids but with binoculars. Which binoculars should I buy for my kids? (Everything from the price point to the usability, robustness, you name it).
I was so perplexed by the whole idea that I even pitched it to my wife. She didn’t disregard me in any way just pointed out that I should not buy too expensive binocular and noted that I have already many toys to play with. I completely misheard the fact about the latter. Days went by and my initial excitement for birding slowly but gradually declined. It wasn’t until a month after my initial birding experience that I finally realized I was the prisoner of my own jail. You see, birding wasn’t for kids or to be with kids. It was an excuse to run away from my relationship with my kids. I still love listening to birds but I haven’t found the courage to buy a binocular yet because I would much rather be with my kids in the long term than avoid being with them even though it can be challenging sometimes.