Let’s talk about birth experience. If your parents were talking to you that birth experience is all sunshine and roses you aren’t alone. Hate me for trusting in medicine world and not reading all the stories around this wild internet about birth experiences and what is good to know and what not. Please do note that we took preparation classes for birth with my wife. I found out later there are many ways on how to give a birth to a child. I will talk about that in next post…
It was Sunday around 11:30 am when we arrived at nursery. Doctor said it’s best we have a scheduled delivery because it seemed to her there is not enough amniotic fluid. Doctor knows what she is doing right? So we didn’t have any second thoughts about giving birth by artificially starting it with breakage of the amniotic sac. Facts: when we arrived at the nursery my wife’s cervix was dilated about 2 cm but she didn’t have any contractions of her own yet. When we arrived at our delivery room, I will never forget midwife’s words when she collected all the information she needed to know my wife’s condition: “What are you even doing here right now? You are not ready yet for natural childbirth." We explained we are here by doctor’s orders. They waited a little for contractions to come but we all know if there aren’t any involuntary contractions there wont be any at least not in a few hours or maybe days. So eventually they broke amniotic sac and then there were to my surprise a few contractions. Unfortunately too rarely to open a cervix. As a result doctors gave syntocinon to start artificial contractions. At the time my wife was having epidural administration. The story with artificial contractions went for more than 6 hours. Each hour passed by, the more drugged seemed my wife. As a result she was also in no condition to sit on a bed or even pee on her own.
Out of nowhere like I missed something the whole room was full of doctors. At that moment I knew this is serious. I even suspected an hour earlier something might be wrong when midwife said to herself there were no contractions at all. Not sure what specialty had each doctor out of seven in a room was but I remembered two surgical doctors probably because C-section was in question too and one for anesthesia and 3 other doctors as one extra midwife. Then our doctor came to my wife and she said: “Baby cannot stay anymore inside you. You must really push, otherwise we might give you C-section. This is really serious.” This is how I saw it. My wife was powerless, too drugged to realize what was going on and without contractions. One midwife was trying to hard push the baby by applying force on my wife’s stomach. Other one helped her. Our doctor was checking baby’s head. I remember when she said she must apply episiotomy but it didn’t even matter since my wife didn’t even hear it. Next step was to apply ventouse since pushing from my wife and midwife didn’t help enough. And then everything stopped. I saw my baby’s eyes for the first time. She had wide opened eyes and she didn’t cry. Emotions going through your body when you see and hold your child for the first time are indescribable. It was easily one of the most happiest moments of my life.
Photo by ocean_views on Flickr
As by tradition I cut the umbilical cord. They weighted and measured the baby, she was 3000g and 50cm. All in all I was happy C-section didn’t happen but my trust was tried again when our doctor said to us she must perform uterus cleaning. Like performing ventouse wasn’t enough placenta had to stay inside and seed doubts in my heart. I was asked to stay outside for the procedure that usually lasts 15 minutes. They called me back after 45 minutes. All kinds of questions were running through my head at the time. Why is it taking so long? Where is my daughter right now? Is my wife ok… When I got back my wife was in a some sort of a comma. Baby was on changing table crying. But her cry was so soft and quite and her tears were so so big. A day later I found out infants normally cries without tears. This made me even more proud of my daughter. The worst part when I arrived was the smell. The smell of mold and blood like I was in a butcher’s shop. I hold our baby and tried to put her on my wife but she was unable to hold her. She just lay there. They must have put something really strong in her to sleep like that I thought to myself. So my next care was to start caring my baby. I hold her in my arms for three hours straight. I was trying to sooth her, sing to her, hum to her, talking to her, I was silent. I didn’t know what to do to calm her. She cried most of the time and I didn’t feel my arms anymore. It’s amazing how much pressure can do only 3000g if it’s only on one part of your body. Holding her was the easy part. The real challenge and fears were in my head. I knew in some cases side effects for having epidural can be life changing like become paraplegic. Mind played tricks with me. It was like solving puzzle. Facts: I knew epidural side effects, I was watching her body the whole time how it was becoming more and more loose. Slowly but gradually her legs were loosing touch with her body. And now after three hours of deep sleep she didn’t feel anything when doctor came inside and pinched her legs. At that moment I felt total adrenaline. A realization our life will change as we know it. At first I didn’t believe this is happening. Not to us. Why us? Then I started collecting data for future plans. We need to move to another more friendly apartment to wheelchairs. But I don’t even have a full time job. How will we afford another apartment? I was so terrified at the moment but I had to keep myself in order. Baby needed me the most at the time. Wife was still in a deep sleep. I wowed to my daughter rigth there that I will never leave her as long as I’m on this planet. This also means I will do anything that’s in my power to keep this family together and take care of my wife. Doubts and frustration and internal battle that was going on in my head lasted for another 2 hours. It was near midnight when a miracle happened and my wife was able to move a finger and then even legs. I was relieved.
Thinking back I am extremely happy daughter is healthy and my wife is in one peace. I’m also angry doctors didn’t say anything when I asked them what is going on with my wife and her condition after uterus cleaning. The truth is this was the hardest part to comprehend. Being caught between possible paraplegic wife – or totally different lifestyle you are used to and between new life is hard to imagine. I knew before babies rock your life and change your lifestyle but didn’t think about what could life be without your loving one be the same as it was or even worse…